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The Top Things We Learned in 2013


The Top Things We Learned in 2013

 

Since we're almost to the end of 2013, let's take a minute to review what happened with The Top Things We Learned in 2013.

 

 

Making people sit and wait for a website to load is worth double-digit approval numbers.

 

 

All twerk and no play makes Miley a rich girl.

 

 

Thanks to the NSA, Santa isn't the only one who knows if you've been bad or good.

 

 

Santa and Jesus are WHITE, dammit, and the children MUST be told!

 

 

Apparently, "pope" is a job that's just as easy to quit as "McDonald's fry cook."

 

 

Paula Deen can't fake-cry to save her life.  Or her career.

 

 

People will literally buy ANYTHING Apple tells them to.

 

 

We should've elected Mitt Romney.

 

 

Crack can even make Canadians interesting.

 

 

Somehow, Tim Tebow's out of football, but Tony Romo isn't.

 

 

Carrie Underwood can't act.  Eddie Murphy can't sing.  And Paul Walker can't drive.

 

 

There's a reason Arsenio hasn't been on TV since the '90s.

 

 

It's not as cool as it once was to wear those yellow "Livestrong" bracelets.

 

 

George Clooney's life is infinitely better than yours in every conceivable way.

 

 

People will drop a small fortune on a new Apple product that's essentially the same as their old one, just because there's an "S" in the name.

 

 

Even though we DON'T live in the 1400s, the birth of a Royal Baby somehow still qualifies as "news."

 

 

For some inexplicable reason, people keep letting Vince Vaughn make movies.

 

 

That email where you told your mom you're depressed, your job sucks, and you'll never meet a girl?  The NSA got a BIG kick out of it.

 

 

Nelson Mandela is lucky he died before anyone could make him sit through the cloying biopic about his life.

 

 

Miley Cyrus' goal in life is apparently to initiate painfully awkward Thanksgiving conversation with your grandma about the definition of "twerking."

 

 

Americans would be WAY more interested in the Syrian Civil War, if it starred some of the "Real Housewives".

 

 

The "Hunger Games" movies are perfect for anyone who likes movies about fights to the death, where no one actually dies.

 

 

If you want to be mayor, it's okay to have a drug problem and sexually harass female staffers but NOT okay to text anyone pics of your junk.
 


The year slowly fades to an end as does the life of your smartphone battery.
 


A baby is born when two people who love themselves very much join together in a special act of publicity.

 

 

Well, whatever we learned the NSA definitely learned, too.

 

 

Next time, we should elect a president who is familiar with Javascript.

 

 

My nanny can't keep a secret.  That's what I learned!

 

 

It IS possible for the Kardashians to get more annoying.

 

 

We should all be worshipping Kanye West . . . according to Kanye West.

 

 

Eventually, we will see every former Disney child star naked.

 

 

If you want to have the biggest hit record of the year, rip off an old Marvin Gaye song and shoot a video with naked models.

 

 

Alan Thicke neglected to teach his son that it's wrong to steal from Marvin Gaye.

 

 

No event, even the funeral of a major world leader, is too serious to take a selfie.

 

 

That even shady offshore porn companies build better websites than the government.

 

 

America no longer has a monopoly on crackhead mayors.

 

 

If you don't write down and Instagram your resolutions, people won't remember that you even had any, so all is forgiven.

 

 

All viral YouTube videos are actually Jimmy Kimmel's hoaxes.

 

 

The federal government can be shutdown for two weeks without anyone really noticing.

 

 

You're better off pulling your kids out of school so you can home-bully them.

 

 

Will Ferrell doesn't know the meaning of the word "overexposed."

 

 

A lot of musical artists would be working at Wendy's if not for Auto-Tune.

 

 

We have no hope because nothing has changed.

 

 

You CAN'T keep your existing health insurance.

 

 

The very tall ebony women you meet from the Casual Encounters section of Craigslist sometimes can have a penis.  Actually, that's something *I* learned.

 

 

Amanda Bynes has really bad taste in wigs.

 

 

Rob Ford doesn't eat many salads.

 


Local Events

 

 


Red River Chorale  Celebrating America

October 21st 9:30AM
Emmanuel Baptist Church
430 Jackson Street

Opening their 2014-15 season, Celebrating America will feature music by American composers as well as a Musical Salute to those who have served and actively serve our country in the military.

Admission: 
Adults $15, Students $5

Hope House

Jambalaya

Fundraiser

October 22, 2014

11am-1:00pm

Tickets $7.00

Jambalaya, Side Dish, Roll, Dessert

Delivery for 10 or more orders

Call Ginger 487-2061  For tickets or orders

All Proceeds to Hope House

Web Sitewww.cenlahopehouse.org


 

A Very Merry Market Ladies Night Out
October 23rd
Alexandria Riverfront Center
Alexandria

9:00AM


Alexandria Zoo Boo!!

Dates: October 23, 24 & 25 (Thursday, Friday, Saturday)
Time:6 pm - 8:30 pm
Admission: $6 per person ages 1 & older (cash only)

For over 30 years, Alexandria Zoo has provided a fun, safe Halloween experience. Zoo Boo offers 3 nights of SPOOKTACULAR, SCARE-FREE fun for kids 12 and younger!

Enjoy sweets and treats along the traditional trick-or-treat trail through the Zoo with a stop at the Festival Plaza to enjoy HALLOWEEN ACTIVITIES FOR KIDS. Treat bags are provided.


DRIVE THRU FLU SHOTS

What:  Drive thru flu shots

Where:  Rapides Parish Office of Public Health,       5604-A Coliseum Blvd, Alexandria, LA      71303

When:  Friday, October 31, 2014 from 8 a.m. to  3 p.m.

Who:  Anyone older than six months. 

How much:  $10 maximum out-of-pocket  expense.  No out-of-pocket expense for Medicaid and Medicare with card.  Please    bring other insurance cards if you have one.


Rapides Symphony Orchestra Concert

November 1st

Coughlin-Saunders

Performing Arts Center

1202 Third Street

Alexandria, LA

9:30AM

True Classics featuring cello soloist Madeleine Kabat.
Beethoven - Coriolan Overture
Dvorak - Cello Concerto in B minor
Brahms - Symphony No. 1 in C minor

Admission: 
$25 admission
Phone: 
(318) 442-9709

Central Louisiana is taking the first step to making healthier food choices by taking part in the American Heart Association's National Eating Healthy Day on Wednesday, Nov. 5. On this day, everyone in CENLA is encouraged to make small, healthy changes and raise the awareness of the importance of good nutrition. Give your family, friends and co-workers a friendly push toward a healthier life. For healthy eating tips, recipes and a guide to products with the Heart Check mark, Visit heart.org/healthyliving Brought to you in part by the Central Louisiana American Heart Association and Christus St. Frances Cabrini Hospital.

 

 



CENLA BROADCASTING
 
1115 Texas Avenue
Alexandria, LA

IS YOUR "TICKETMASTER" OUTLET IN CENTRAL LOUISIANA.

OFFICE HOURS 
9AM - 4PM 
MONDAY-FRIDAY.

PHONE 
318-445-1234

 

 


Ticketmaster - Local Shows

 

 


Molly Ringwold's

Halloween Bash

October 24th

Marksville, LA

Paragon Casino

 

Sesame Street

Make A Friend

October 24th

Lafayette, LA

Cajun Dome

 

Gabriel Iglesias

October 25th

Kinder, LA

Coustatta Casino

 

Kenny Logons

October 25th

Vinton, LA

Delta Downs Casino

 

Aaron Lewis

November 1st

Marksville, LA

Paragon Casino

 

Sesame Street

Make A Friend

November 8th

New Orleans, LA

UNO Lakefront

 

James Taylor

Tuesday November 11th

New Orleans

UNO Lakefront Arena

 

Charlie Pride

November 14th

Marksville, LA

Paragon Casino

 

Cher

November 15th

Bossier City, LA

Century Link Center

 

November 16th

New Orleans

Saenger Theater

 

Wynonna

&

The Big Noise

November 22nd

Baton Rouge

L'Auberge Casino

 

Holiday Ice Spectacular

Friday & Saturday

December 5th & 6th

Marksville, LA

Paragon Casino & Resort

 

Dirty Dancing

Sunday December 21st

New Orleans

Saenger Theater

 

KC & The Sunshine Band

Saturday December 27th

Marksville, LA

Paragon Casino & Resort

 

Mamma Mia

January 17th, 2015

New Orleans

Saenger Theater

 

Florida Georgia Line

Friday January 23rd

Lafayette, LA

Cajundome

 

Celtic Thunder Symphony

February 14th, 2015

Bossier City

Horseshoe Casino

 

 

 


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All Love Songs

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