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The Top Things We Learned in 2013

 

Since we're almost to the end of 2013, let's take a minute to review what happened with The Top Things We Learned in 2013.

 

 

Making people sit and wait for a website to load is worth double-digit approval numbers.

 

 

All twerk and no play makes Miley a rich girl.

 

 

Thanks to the NSA, Santa isn't the only one who knows if you've been bad or good.

 

 

Santa and Jesus are WHITE, dammit, and the children MUST be told!

 

 

Apparently, "pope" is a job that's just as easy to quit as "McDonald's fry cook."

 

 

Paula Deen can't fake-cry to save her life.  Or her career.

 

 

People will literally buy ANYTHING Apple tells them to.

 

 

We should've elected Mitt Romney.

 

 

Crack can even make Canadians interesting.

 

 

Somehow, Tim Tebow's out of football, but Tony Romo isn't.

 

 

Carrie Underwood can't act.  Eddie Murphy can't sing.  And Paul Walker can't drive.

 

 

There's a reason Arsenio hasn't been on TV since the '90s.

 

 

It's not as cool as it once was to wear those yellow "Livestrong" bracelets.

 

 

George Clooney's life is infinitely better than yours in every conceivable way.

 

 

People will drop a small fortune on a new Apple product that's essentially the same as their old one, just because there's an "S" in the name.

 

 

Even though we DON'T live in the 1400s, the birth of a Royal Baby somehow still qualifies as "news."

 

 

For some inexplicable reason, people keep letting Vince Vaughn make movies.

 

 

That email where you told your mom you're depressed, your job sucks, and you'll never meet a girl?  The NSA got a BIG kick out of it.

 

 

Nelson Mandela is lucky he died before anyone could make him sit through the cloying biopic about his life.

 

 

Miley Cyrus' goal in life is apparently to initiate painfully awkward Thanksgiving conversation with your grandma about the definition of "twerking."

 

 

Americans would be WAY more interested in the Syrian Civil War, if it starred some of the "Real Housewives".

 

 

The "Hunger Games" movies are perfect for anyone who likes movies about fights to the death, where no one actually dies.

 

 

If you want to be mayor, it's okay to have a drug problem and sexually harass female staffers but NOT okay to text anyone pics of your junk.
 


The year slowly fades to an end as does the life of your smartphone battery.
 


A baby is born when two people who love themselves very much join together in a special act of publicity.

 

 

Well, whatever we learned the NSA definitely learned, too.

 

 

Next time, we should elect a president who is familiar with Javascript.

 

 

My nanny can't keep a secret.  That's what I learned!

 

 

It IS possible for the Kardashians to get more annoying.

 

 

We should all be worshipping Kanye West . . . according to Kanye West.

 

 

Eventually, we will see every former Disney child star naked.

 

 

If you want to have the biggest hit record of the year, rip off an old Marvin Gaye song and shoot a video with naked models.

 

 

Alan Thicke neglected to teach his son that it's wrong to steal from Marvin Gaye.

 

 

No event, even the funeral of a major world leader, is too serious to take a selfie.

 

 

That even shady offshore porn companies build better websites than the government.

 

 

America no longer has a monopoly on crackhead mayors.

 

 

If you don't write down and Instagram your resolutions, people won't remember that you even had any, so all is forgiven.

 

 

All viral YouTube videos are actually Jimmy Kimmel's hoaxes.

 

 

The federal government can be shutdown for two weeks without anyone really noticing.

 

 

You're better off pulling your kids out of school so you can home-bully them.

 

 

Will Ferrell doesn't know the meaning of the word "overexposed."

 

 

A lot of musical artists would be working at Wendy's if not for Auto-Tune.

 

 

We have no hope because nothing has changed.

 

 

You CAN'T keep your existing health insurance.

 

 

The very tall ebony women you meet from the Casual Encounters section of Craigslist sometimes can have a penis.  Actually, that's something *I* learned.

 

 

Amanda Bynes has really bad taste in wigs.

 

 

Rob Ford doesn't eat many salads.

 


Magic 100.9

Lite Favorites Of Yesterday & Today

Click To Listen!

Also On The Air At 93.1 HD2

 

Rockin' Oldies Of The 60's & 70's

Click To Listen!

Also On The Air At 93.1 HD3

 


Local Events

 

 


Rock The Red

7pm July 4th

Alexandria

Downtown Ampithertre


FOTAZ Feeding Frenzy

July 11th

Alexandria Zoological Park
8:00AM
Dine al fresco with the animals at the annual Friends of the Alexandria Zoo event exclusive for FOTAZ Members. View the Zoo before it's open to visitors! Enjoy a continental breakfast under the cool sails of the Festival Plaza Tour the Zoo and watch zookeepers feed the animals Visit with docents and learn fun facts about the animals Receive one free train ticket per person Free for current FOTAZ Members.

FOTAZ Membership Cards and Photo IDs will be checked at the gate. Only individuals included on your membership card may attend.


July 11th
Alexandria Museum of Art
Alexandria
10:00AM - 2:00PM
Free admission to AMoA every Second Saturday with arts activities for kids, live music, art exhibitions, and original local art in out gift shop.  There's always something to explore!

 


July 17th
Hotel Bentley
Alexandria
6:30PM - 9:30PM
 
The Friends of the Louisiana National Guard Museums, Inc., would like to invite members of the community to a cocktail reception and exclusive preview of the Louisiana Maneuvers of World War II Exhibit at the Hotel Bentley. This event will celebrate the 75th anniversary of the Louisiana Maneuvers...

 

July 17th
Alexandria Mall Center Court
Alexandria
6:00PM - 8:00PM
Dinner and a Mall Movie Contact: 318-448-0227 Venue: Alexandria Mall Center Court Free movie showings on the big screen at Center Court. Bring the family for special food court meal deals 6 p.m. – 8 p.m. Dine during the movie as tables are provided at Center Court or bring a blanket for picnic...

The Exonerated

July 24th & 25th

Lagniappe Theatre Space in the Alexandria Mall (between Sears and Bed, Bath & Beyond)
3437 Masonic Drive
Alexandria, LA 71301
United States
7:00PM

A play by Erik Jensen and Jessica Blank. The true stories of six wrongly convicted Death Row inmates, and their journeys of innocence, injustice, and redemption.

Admission: 
$16 regular admission, $13 seniors 55 and up, $11 children 12 and under and for groups of 10 or more
Phone: 
(318) 487-8243

July 25th
Coughlin-Saunders Performing Arts Center
Alexandria
Shows begin at 10:30 AM, 1:30 PM, and 7:00 PM on Friday, July 24 and at 1 PM on Saturday, July 25
Disney’s musical Beauty and the Beast, Jr.  Performances are July 24 and 25 at Coughlin-Saunders Performing Arts Center in downtown Alexandria’s Cultural Arts District. 



National Night Out Block Parties

August 4th

Alexandria Garden District
Alexandria, LA
6:00PM - 9:00PM

National Night Out is being held on Tuesday, August 4, 2015, an annual nationwide event designed to strengthen relationships in your neighborhoods, raise crime prevention awareness, and continue relationships with public safety officials and between neighbors.



 

 

 

 

 

 

 



CENLA BROADCASTING 

TICKETMASTER
1115 Texas Avenue
Alexandria, LA
9AM - 4PM 
MONDAY-FRIDAY.
PHONE 
318-445-1234

 

 


Ticketmaster - Local Shows

 

 


Essence Festival 2015

New Orleans Superdome

July 2nd - 4th

 

MC Hammer

July 3rd

Marksville, LA

Paragon Casino

 

Garth Brooks with

Trisha Yearwood

July 10th

New Orleans

Smoothie King Ctr

 

Travis Tritt

July 10th

Lake Charles, LA

Golden Nuggett Casino

 

Lady Antebellum: Wheels Up 2015 Tour with Hunter Hayes & Sam Hunt

July 17th

Biloxi, MS

Mississippi Coast

Coliseum

 

Gene Watson

July 18th

Marksville, LA

Paragon Casino

 

Ron White

July 24th

Bossier City

Horseshoe Casino

 

Hillsong United

July 29th

New Orleans

Smoothie King Center

 

Whitesnake

August 8th

Marksville, LA

Paragon Casino

 

The Midtown Men

August 15th

Marksville, LA

Paragon Casino

 

Incubus

August 16th

New Orleans

Bold Sphere Music at Champions Square

 

Gary Allan

August 21st

Kinder, LA

Coushatta Casino

 

KC & The Sunshine Band

August 22nd

Vinton, LA

Delta Downs Casino

 

Eddy Raven

August 22nd

Opelousas, LA

Evangeline Race Track


Collective Soul

August 22

Charenton, LA

Cypress Bayou Casino

 

Mötley Crüe: The Final Tour "All Bad Things Must Come To An End

September 4th

New Orleans

Smoothy Kings Center

 

Clint Black

September 5th

Shreveport, LA

Sam's Town Casino

 

Ariana Grande

October 9th

New Orleans

Smoothie King Center

 

Josh Groban

October 21st

New Orleans

Saenger Theater

 

 

 


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