Since we're almost to the end of 2013, let's take a minute to review what happened with The Top Things We Learned in 2013.
Making people sit and wait for a website to load is worth double-digit approval numbers.
All twerk and no play makes Miley a rich girl.
Thanks to the NSA, Santa isn't the only one who knows if you've been bad or good.
Santa and Jesus are WHITE, dammit, and the children MUST be told!
Apparently, "pope" is a job that's just as easy to quit as "McDonald's fry cook."
Paula Deen can't fake-cry to save her life. Or her career.
People will literally buy ANYTHING Apple tells them to.
We should've elected Mitt Romney.
Crack can even make Canadians interesting.
Somehow, Tim Tebow's out of football, but Tony Romo isn't.
Carrie Underwood can't act. Eddie Murphy can't sing. And Paul Walker can't drive.
There's a reason Arsenio hasn't been on TV since the '90s.
It's not as cool as it once was to wear those yellow "Livestrong" bracelets.
George Clooney's life is infinitely better than yours in every conceivable way.
People will drop a small fortune on a new Apple product that's essentially the same as their old one, just because there's an "S" in the name.
Even though we DON'T live in the 1400s, the birth of a Royal Baby somehow still qualifies as "news."
For some inexplicable reason, people keep letting Vince Vaughn make movies.
That email where you told your mom you're depressed, your job sucks, and you'll never meet a girl? The NSA got a BIG kick out of it.
Nelson Mandela is lucky he died before anyone could make him sit through the cloying biopic about his life.
Miley Cyrus' goal in life is apparently to initiate painfully awkward Thanksgiving conversation with your grandma about the definition of "twerking."
Americans would be WAY more interested in the Syrian Civil War, if it starred some of the "Real Housewives".
The "Hunger Games" movies are perfect for anyone who likes movies about fights to the death, where no one actually dies.
If you want to be mayor, it's okay to have a drug problem and sexually harass female staffers but NOT okay to text anyone pics of your junk.
The year slowly fades to an end as does the life of your smartphone battery.
A baby is born when two people who love themselves very much join together in a special act of publicity.
Well, whatever we learned the NSA definitely learned, too.
My nanny can't keep a secret. That's what I learned!
It IS possible for the Kardashians to get more annoying.
We should all be worshipping Kanye West . . . according to Kanye West.
Eventually, we will see every former Disney child star naked.
If you want to have the biggest hit record of the year, rip off an old Marvin Gaye song and shoot a video with naked models.
Alan Thicke neglected to teach his son that it's wrong to steal from Marvin Gaye.
No event, even the funeral of a major world leader, is too serious to take a selfie.
That even shady offshore porn companies build better websites than the government.
America no longer has a monopoly on crackhead mayors.
If you don't write down and Instagram your resolutions, people won't remember that you even had any, so all is forgiven.
All viral YouTube videos are actually Jimmy Kimmel's hoaxes.
The federal government can be shutdown for two weeks without anyone really noticing.
You're better off pulling your kids out of school so you can home-bully them.
Will Ferrell doesn't know the meaning of the word "overexposed."
A lot of musical artists would be working at Wendy's if not for Auto-Tune.
We have no hope because nothing has changed.
You CAN'T keep your existing health insurance.
The very tall ebony women you meet from the Casual Encounters section of Craigslist sometimes can have a penis. Actually, that's something *I* learned.
Amanda Bynes has really bad taste in wigs.
Rob Ford doesn't eat many salads.