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Local Events Archives for 2014-01

The Top Things We Learned in 2013


The Top Things We Learned in 2013

 

Since we're almost to the end of 2013, let's take a minute to review what happened with The Top Things We Learned in 2013.

 

 

Making people sit and wait for a website to load is worth double-digit approval numbers.

 

 

All twerk and no play makes Miley a rich girl.

 

 

Thanks to the NSA, Santa isn't the only one who knows if you've been bad or good.

 

 

Santa and Jesus are WHITE, dammit, and the children MUST be told!

 

 

Apparently, "pope" is a job that's just as easy to quit as "McDonald's fry cook."

 

 

Paula Deen can't fake-cry to save her life.  Or her career.

 

 

People will literally buy ANYTHING Apple tells them to.

 

 

We should've elected Mitt Romney.

 

 

Crack can even make Canadians interesting.

 

 

Somehow, Tim Tebow's out of football, but Tony Romo isn't.

 

 

Carrie Underwood can't act.  Eddie Murphy can't sing.  And Paul Walker can't drive.

 

 

There's a reason Arsenio hasn't been on TV since the '90s.

 

 

It's not as cool as it once was to wear those yellow "Livestrong" bracelets.

 

 

George Clooney's life is infinitely better than yours in every conceivable way.

 

 

People will drop a small fortune on a new Apple product that's essentially the same as their old one, just because there's an "S" in the name.

 

 

Even though we DON'T live in the 1400s, the birth of a Royal Baby somehow still qualifies as "news."

 

 

For some inexplicable reason, people keep letting Vince Vaughn make movies.

 

 

That email where you told your mom you're depressed, your job sucks, and you'll never meet a girl?  The NSA got a BIG kick out of it.

 

 

Nelson Mandela is lucky he died before anyone could make him sit through the cloying biopic about his life.

 

 

Miley Cyrus' goal in life is apparently to initiate painfully awkward Thanksgiving conversation with your grandma about the definition of "twerking."

 

 

Americans would be WAY more interested in the Syrian Civil War, if it starred some of the "Real Housewives".

 

 

The "Hunger Games" movies are perfect for anyone who likes movies about fights to the death, where no one actually dies.

 

 

If you want to be mayor, it's okay to have a drug problem and sexually harass female staffers but NOT okay to text anyone pics of your junk.
 


The year slowly fades to an end as does the life of your smartphone battery.
 


A baby is born when two people who love themselves very much join together in a special act of publicity.

 

 

Well, whatever we learned the NSA definitely learned, too.

 

 

Next time, we should elect a president who is familiar with Javascript.

 

 

My nanny can't keep a secret.  That's what I learned!

 

 

It IS possible for the Kardashians to get more annoying.

 

 

We should all be worshipping Kanye West . . . according to Kanye West.

 

 

Eventually, we will see every former Disney child star naked.

 

 

If you want to have the biggest hit record of the year, rip off an old Marvin Gaye song and shoot a video with naked models.

 

 

Alan Thicke neglected to teach his son that it's wrong to steal from Marvin Gaye.

 

 

No event, even the funeral of a major world leader, is too serious to take a selfie.

 

 

That even shady offshore porn companies build better websites than the government.

 

 

America no longer has a monopoly on crackhead mayors.

 

 

If you don't write down and Instagram your resolutions, people won't remember that you even had any, so all is forgiven.

 

 

All viral YouTube videos are actually Jimmy Kimmel's hoaxes.

 

 

The federal government can be shutdown for two weeks without anyone really noticing.

 

 

You're better off pulling your kids out of school so you can home-bully them.

 

 

Will Ferrell doesn't know the meaning of the word "overexposed."

 

 

A lot of musical artists would be working at Wendy's if not for Auto-Tune.

 

 

We have no hope because nothing has changed.

 

 

You CAN'T keep your existing health insurance.

 

 

The very tall ebony women you meet from the Casual Encounters section of Craigslist sometimes can have a penis.  Actually, that's something *I* learned.

 

 

Amanda Bynes has really bad taste in wigs.

 

 

Rob Ford doesn't eat many salads.

 

Archives:

2014-01 | 2013-12 | 2013-11 | 2013-09 | 2013-05



Local Events

 



Alexandria Zoo

Holiday Light Safari

Dec. 19-23, & 26-28 

  5:30 pm - 8 pm

$6 per person for ages 4 & up


Polar Express
Movie Night
Center Court
Alexandria Mall
December 20th 4:00PM

Beloved holiday movie, The Polar Express, will be showing on the big screen with Santa and the Conductor in attendance. Crafts and hot cocoa to enjoy during the movie.

Admission:  Free

Have A Dickens
Of A Christmas
December 20th
Forts Randolph and Buhlow
135 River Street
Pineville, LA
6:00PM - 8:00PM

Join the fun of a classical Dickens' Christmas with live dulcimer music, the Dickens' Louisiana Carolers, candlelight tours of the fort and much more!

Admission:  Free
Phone:  (318)484-2390

Christmas Jazz
Concert
December 20th
Pineville Community Center
708 Main Street
Pineville, LA
United States
7:00PM

Free Family Event

Christmas Jazz Concert

Featuring the

Red River Jazz Band

It's a Christmas treat for the whole family!  Hear all your holiday favorites performed by the Red River Jazz Band!

Admission:  Free

A Festive Community Kwanzaa Celebration

December 26th
Bolton Community Center
315 Bolton Avenue
Alexandria, LA
United States
3:30PM - 6:30PM

Hosted by Sankofa Cultural Collective and the Arna Bontemps African American Museum.  This event is free and open to the public.  Funded  in part by the City of Alexandria.  Storytelling! Poetry! Music! Dance! Vendors! Crafts! Door Prizes! Refreshments!

Admission:  Free
 
 

 

 

 

 

 

 



CENLA BROADCASTING
 
1115 Texas Avenue
Alexandria, LA

IS YOUR "TICKETMASTER" OUTLET IN CENTRAL LOUISIANA.

OFFICE HOURS 
9AM - 4PM 
MONDAY-FRIDAY.

PHONE 
318-445-1234

 

 


Ticketmaster - Local Shows



 


Trans-Siberian Orchestra

December 17th

New Orleans

Smoothie King Ctr

 

Dirty Dancing

Sunday December 21st

New Orleans

Saenger Theater

 

KC & The Sunshine Band

Saturday December 27th

Marksville, LA

Paragon Casino & Resort

 

Doug Stone

January 10th

Marksville, LA

Paragon Casino

 

Mamma Mia

January 17th, 2015

New Orleans

Saenger Theater

 

Florida Georgia Line

Friday January 23rd

Lafayette, LA

Cajundome

 

Wayne Toups

January 31st

Marksville, LA

Paragon Casino

 

Celtic Thunder Symphony

February 14th, 2015

Bossier City

Horseshoe Casino

 

 

 


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